butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
