overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Dicks are not precious.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
