just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
