sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
