I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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