i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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