I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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