Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
