She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
