So drunk its hurt
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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