Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i was born a porn star she said
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
