I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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