did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
