just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
