Plan B is the new Plan A
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
