i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
