dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
