we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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