his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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