Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
