Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
