Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
