Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
