areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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