you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
