I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
