so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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