how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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