I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
