Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
