That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
