So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
