I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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