So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
