I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
