we're blogging at a bar
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
