My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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