I feel great
I just peed on a car
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm getting married
To pizza
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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