Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
