So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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