You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
