It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
