nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
