i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
