i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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