im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
