haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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