The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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