I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
