i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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