apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
