she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
