I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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