went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
